Hope good manners are the next big trend!

Casual chatting with a like minded colleague made me get back to blogging after ages. The topic that got me deliberating was the lack of tact in the youth these days.
Again, I agree it would be wrong to convict all youth with this felony. But I do see this trend on the rise. What's worse is the pride they take in their surly and hurtful remarks. (Terming it being "Muh-Phut")
And you know you have aged when you find being amiable and considerate...cool.

What the younger generation don't understand is, it takes a lot more confidence and effort to be kinder to people whose views don't align with yours. Now I'm no Miss. Congeniality. And if such a contest was to be arranged in office, I'd probably not even enter the top 10. :) The reason would be partly because the team is now made up by few such uncouth individuals who I avoid to maintain my mental peace.

I truly hope Good manners are the next big trend after Pokemon Go. Maybe I'll compete then ;)

Womanhood

 What does it feel like to be a woman? What's the definition of an ideal woman? How should she behave in public? Society seems more adept at answering these questions on behalf of women, doesn't it? I often find myself thinking I don't fit the usual description of a woman. Does that make me any less of a woman?

"Can't cook?......Oh that's sad!"
"You like sports?.... That's odd."
"Don't watch Rang Rasiya? What about Balika Vadu?"
"Don't like to bargain with vegetable hawkers? What!?!"
"Friends with guys?....How many?"

I have encountered lots of disparaging looks whenever I deviate from the norm of how a woman ought to be.  But how do I convey that I'm just as much a woman as any of the 3 million commuters of the Mumbai Local? I am just as scared of walking on a lonely street late at night. I have been a victim of eve-teasing/stalking as any other woman on the streets and the cat's got my tongue too on a few instances. I too decide my outfits based on the place and mode of transport rather than my mood. I will struggle to heave a filled gas cylinder across the hallway, into the kitchen, but will never allow a strange man to enter the house when I am alone.

Why not treat each woman as an individual? Respect will follow naturally. Individuals don't fit into a mold. Don't even try to fit women into your set notions about them. This paradigm shift is must if the society needs to prosper/evolve.

Women are not items of possession or entertainment nor is their sole purpose of existence to fulfill vile fantasies of perverts. Yet, this nasty thought is so deeply ingrained in the society, it's nauseating to say the least. "Main to tandoori murgi hoon yaar. Gatka le saiyaan alcohol se", "shaam ko daroo, raat ko ladki aur neend aa jaye" Lines like these dripping of misogyny further adds to the society's gender inequality woes.

Let's try and change this for the better by eradicating any preconceived beliefs or standards that you've been harbouring about women, and treat each and every woman as an individual.

Brain-Talk

My mind surprises and confuses me with reactions least expected. Let me explain this better.

If someday I dress up well, and someone compliments me about my looks, I return their kind words with a polite smile and a thank you. A mild sweet reaction, ain't it?

But if someone where to compliment me on some intellectual aspect.. say, "you are well read", "you are quite smart for your age" (this compliment at times frightens me, will blog about it someday), then the reaction that the "complimenter" receives from me can hardly be called 'mild'. I would grin from ear to ear. And thank the complimenter profusely, further proceeding to explain how I gained the knowledge and who else has given me similar compliments, and if that complimenter happens to be a friend, I will make sure he/she never forgets this compliment by repeating it often. :)

So my mind has informed me in bold letters that compliments on looks don't matter!! Go figure. 

A scary request!

Long weekend came and went. Leaving behind lots of shopping bags to cherish, few extra calories to lose, and an incident that's forcing me to retrospect. 

Prologue: After window shopping with my best friend for a whole day, it was time to leave for home. Just then I get a call from Home asking me to reach home early. Then in a hurry, I bade goodbye to my friend and hailed an auto. Thereby, began a small and interesting journey towards self evaluation. 


The story: Most of the rickshaw drivers demand 1 and a half meter fare or 50Rs over the meter, but this unique chap asked for 10Rs extra. I was mildly surprised and agreed at once. Once in, hardly 30secs into the drive, he slowed down, and said, "Ma'am, please can you visit a shop?" Did I hear him right? He wants me to visit a shop. But why? "Please ma'am, you can spend just 5-10 mins in there, its a new shop, opened 2 days back".
My thoughts, rather my cynical psycho thoughts : What shop? Where is it? How can I trust this guy? What if he takes me to an isolated place? Be firm and say NO.
"Sorry Boss, I am getting late."
"Please ma'am, for every customer we bring, they give us a piece of cloth....Today is your festival (Ganesh Chaturthi), its our festival too (Id), I can take that piece of cloth home, please ma'am, you don't even have to pay me 10Rs extra."
My thoughts again: Don't be stupid, besides you are actually getting late, say NO. 
"Nahi Bhaiya, I am really getting late." 
"It wont take much time, and I will drive a bit fast and take shortcuts too if needed" 
My thoughts (and I think I could hear alarm beeps too, this time) : Now, he is talking about taking unknown shortcuts and drive fast!! Say NO now!!! 
"OK" 
"Thank you Ma'am...Thank you" 
My mind : Stupid! 
He goes straight, then left then another left and halts in front of the new Deepam showroom. 
"I will wait right here, ma'am" followed by a broad sincere grin. 
As if to atone the non-existent damage that my cynical mind had done, I smiled and promised to myself to browse through the store with genuine interest. But 10 mins with genuine interest and I remembered Mom's request to return home early! And I left the store in a jiffy, wondering if the auto driver would actually be waiting or would have taken his reward and left for his heavenly abode. There outside the store, he stood waiting for me, his smile thanking me wordlessly. 
I chided myself for being soo cynical. At times, its more important to gauge the person's words and read his/her eyes more than trying to find the hidden meaning.


It was after all a humble request............... which scared me. 

Year end resolution

My new year resolutions don't last for more than 2 weeks. Therefore, I coined a new kind of resolution, a year end resolution. Atleast, when I give up, I will have the satisfaction that I tried to keep up with my resolution till the coming year. Some solace huh?

Coming to my year end resolution :

"I want to lose ~ 2-3kgs every month till I get back in shape"

Not so magical after all..

Sorry, Please and Thank you are said to be the 3 most magical words. But are they really?

Lets start with the most commonly used "magical" word - Thank you.
This word is used so often that the magic seems to have worn out over time, rendering one of the most touching words to a mere formality. A phrase now used to just acknowledge the good deed / action without being visibly grateful or touched. Have you been honestly thanked lately for anything good that you have done? Atleast in the corporate world, I have seen it's usage a couple of times .......as a part of the signature. 
I wish this dying word a speedy and much needed recovery.


Now, the next "magical" word - Please, seems to have contracted a similar disease.
As kids, we were told that the word is used whenever you want something from anyone. But today, try asking people for its meaning. Pat comes the reply, "Please is used when you need some favor from your seniors." Is it really? This distorts the whole understanding we had as kids, complicating a simple word with complex senior-subordinate relationships.

The last and the most powerful "magical" word - Sorry
Myth - Sorry, can heal wounds.
Truth - Maybe, but leaves a dirty dark scar for you to remember.

Myth - Saying sorry, doesn't make one small
Truth - Saying sorry makes you feel very inferior and low. I said sorry when I didn't do anything wrong, and trust me folks, this made me feel so inferior and downright humiliated.

Myth - Sorry can fill the cracks in relationships.
Truth - Sorry, can only hide the cracks at a superficial level just like how plaster hides the cracks in the walls.

I have been at my cynical best since 2 days. To vent it all out, I chose to blog about the negative thoughts rather than let it grow within me. But looks like, in reality I am just feeding myself more negative thoughts. :(

Promise to blog something bright and happy in my next post.

Route number - 59

Thanks to the free supply of "The speaking tree" every Sunday (we refused to pay for it and our newspaper delivery guy forcefully supplies it every Sunday), I came across an enlightening thought. 

"God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth, so that we talk less and listen more" 

This then led to the conscious decision to listen more, and by no means talk less.:) As my good friend, (referring to him here as, Glibomaniac) once said something like 'Chop, clip, and cut the thoughts/quotes to suit your self' :) 

The process involved listening intently to knowledgeable living beings. Since I spend nearly 70% of my time in office, knowledgeable mortals are hard to come by. (Disclaimer - No offense).  But like our beloved Ranchchod Das ShyamalDas Chanchad said.. "Chaaron taraf gyaan bat raha hai, jahan se bhi mile, samet lo" 

I solemnly swear that this was the only reason that I began to listen and not just hear Mr. Glibomaniac's words. 

Now, who is Glibomaniac? My newest friend, my newest guru, my newest enemy. 

Glibomaniac might seem rough, crude and an unlikely friend at first, but you shall be pleasantly surprised when you get to know him. Surprised why? Because, though he speaks faster than a normal human brain can process the words, he chooses the right words, yet so effortlessly. The words then do their magic. I have witnessed them live. Right from clipping someone's blown up ego to making new-comers feel at home. His knowledge db is so vast and varied that every hour spent in the cab (route no.59) arguing with him is unpredictable and fresh. The earlier monotonously boring journey has turned into a roller coaster ride of new learnings. I have learnt the art of snubbing 'thinking-highly-of-themselves-managers" to involving drivers and silently watching spectators in our conversations. 

Hope this journey never ends! 

Listing the stages: 

Stage 1: The thought

Stage 2: The decision

Stage 3: The process

Stage 4: Journey with the Learnings